It'sThe Way You Sell'em

It's the way you sell 'em

Ever wondered why ads always have at least three blokes in the pub together, or why car commercials always feature a snaking mountain pass? It's because all adverts are bound by a host of unwritten 'rules'.

Last week the latest Tango ad was banned. Why? Because it broke one of the great "rules" of advertising: don't encourage anti-social behaviour (it provoked playground bullying and shouting down megaphones into people's ears). Being banned is only one pitfall in the adversising world - the other big one is to have a terrible ad. But thankfully for advertisers there are plenty of strict guidelines laid down by the Independent Television Commission, the TV ads watchdog. And, unbeknownst to most of us, there are also the unwritten rules, guaranteed to keep clients happy and watchdogs at bay. Ignore them at your peril...
Always have at least three guys in the pub

Never use just one bloke on his own in a beer ad. Adfolk have long since learnt that this would imply he has no mates and is a sad loser. Similarly, two blokes are to be avoided - this might suggest unwanted homosexual overtones. No, the formula for beer advertising is three or more fellas in a jolly, sociable drinking environment. (The ITC actually outlaws the depiction of one man with a pint, claiming solitary drinking encourages alcoholism).
Always have two Cs in a K

The C stands for, well, a rude word for the female genitalia. The K stands for kitchen. This tried and tested approach to advertising washing-up powder or dishwasher detergent or any of the household cleaning products that tend to be exclusively targeted at women has worked for years. Happily, the formula is losing its supporters these days, but is still in evidence in ads for the more traditional fmcg (fast moving consumer goods) giants.
Always use that demo

"Demo" is short for "demonstration", and should be deployed by products which supposedly require a bit of explaining, usually by "experts" in white coats. Think Bounty kitchenroll, where a glass of water is poured onto the improbably ultra-absorbent paper. Think also any number of beauty and hair products - these invariably involve a sciencey bit, in which far-fetched computer graphics "demonstrate" the product at work.

Never, NEVER, use red

"Sanpro". You can trust adland to come up with a nicely sanitised word for what they see as a highly embarrassing market sector (namely, ahem, sanitary products). You must, of course, never, ever use red in this kind of advertisement. Oh no. You should always depict menstrual blood in a lurid blue - because red is, well, just too realistic and gruesome and therefore quite unacceptable in the shiny, Happy Family, pain-free world of adland.
Use that mountain pass

In car ads, you should always insist on an extended "packshot" (lingering product close-up) of your vehicle in one of three settings: snaking mountain pass, improbably lush Tuscan countryside, or field of flames. The trick is to get several shots of the motor being driven by some smug bloke along an impossibly windy road. The same rule applies to ads for tyres/petrol/oil.
Keep smiling

Received wisdom suggests that food ads should always: (1) feature a close-up of the product - preferably steaming invitingly, and (2) feature the person/people about to eat it smiling. You don't see glum faces in food advertising - glum doesn't sell, and suggests that said product isn't very appetising. Compare and contrast car ads, however, where you'll never see anyone grinning behind the wheel (considered to be too irresponsible).
Don't use too many words

The number of words on a normal billboard-sized poster should never exceed seven, according to the late, great adman David Ogilvy. That's the most that people can read when whizzing past in their cars, apparently. Ogilvy also said that printed ads shouldn't use white words on a black background, because the human eye is used to black on white via most other printed materials.
Tell people what to do

Research shows that website banner ads should say 'click here'. Otherwise, people won't. The response rate rockets by 400 per cent if there's a button. Which just goes to show how most rules about advertising are based on the entirely valid assumption that people are stupid.
Use lots of typefaces

The world of direct marketing is littered with apparently proven theories on how to create effective junk mail. Numerous studies show that using lots of bolds and italics will send your readers reaching involuntarily for their chequebooks. Another rule suggests that every letter should have a P.S. - rather than making you look forgetful, it increases the effectiveness of your message.
Ignore the rules

In advertising, the goldenest rule of all is to not follow the rules. Advertising fails to be effective if it is formulaic, and ads creatives pride themselves on trying to break with tradition as much as and as often as possible. If, unlike the boys and girls at Tango, they can get away with it.